I’ve come to understand that control is fear-based and more importantly, largely an illusion. On my good days, the only thing I’m in charge of is myself. On my great days, I’m not in control of me – my Higher Power is. I surrender on a daily basis – asking my Higher Power to work through me to give and receive.

The more I grow spiritually, the weirder my life gets. This occurs much to the consternation of my wife who is a hopelessly reasonable person. I’m blessed to have a partner who has seemingly endless amounts of patience and tolerance for my insistence that life be an ongoing adventure.

About twenty years ago, I noticed that there was a connection between what I know intuitively and what I could grasp spiritually. What my religious friends call a “calling” or a “purpose” I experience as a gut feeling that I’m supposed to do something that’s been put in my path or get to know someone who has appeared in my life.

A dear friend of mine used to bristle when folks would ask about God’s will or what it is that our Higher Power wants us to pursue. She’d explain, “My Higher Power doesn’t have just one path for me to follow. He has a plan for me every day. It’s my job to notice opportunities based on what would appear to a skeptic to be coincidences occurring in my life.”

I took those words to heart and have never regretted it.

I’m constantly amazed at how letting go of shame, resentments, and “working through my fears” have allowed me to see the world and my life in fundamentally different ways. There’s a lot to be said about “letting go” and one of the hardest things for me to release was the desire for control.

I’ve come to understand that control is fear-based and more importantly, largely an illusion. On my good days, the only thing I’m in charge of is myself. On my great days, I’m not in control of me – my Higher Power is. I surrender on a daily basis – asking my Higher Power to work through me to give and receive.

The best way I’ve found to do this is with the third step prayer from AA:

For a long time, I was stuck on the idea of surrendering my will. Honestly, I expected to give up something that I thought was pretty great only to receive something boring in return. What I’ve since learned is that the Universe wants far more for me that I would ever choose. It’s allowed me to get past any hang-ups I had about my worthiness.

I trust that if it was put in my path, that my Higher Power wants it for me.

I remind the agnostics and atheists that in the worst-case scenario, I’m only talking to myself, which is still a healthy thing for me to do. I say, ask your Higher Power for everything – not because it will change what your Higher Power is going to do but because it will make you more aware of what you need and more receptive when it’s placed in your path.